So I know it’s super late and that don’t believe in fate
but honestly right now I’m realizing what it is I hate
shall I make a list, shall I begin with worst or best
maybe I’ll just start with the explanation to all this pain in my chest
number one I don’t have any hatred
number two I couldn’t if I tried
number three I see it all so clear now
number four I’m okay with every single moment I fell down curled up and cried
number five refer back to one
number six is just the same
the point of all these numbers is to accentuate my lack of pain
I went through hellish battles, battles of which were equally outside parties and my fault
the same hellish battles that weren’t hellish at all, due to the fact that they made me sane
I thought I had lost something, lost myself, lost my way
but the fact of the matter remains that I have long since been exploring
my true way to live and my true way to retain
I see all of my values, I see all of my heart
I realize no matter what, my vision is the only match that can make me spark
I can’t sleep, kids crying, I see why the struggle was so heavy
but my god why must she always wake up right when the water breaks the leavy
when all the words start flowing, shall I just let her cry a serenade
I don’t want to step away, yep, she wins


Damn lil man I miss you so, more than I thought that I could ever know
I never really had a chance, to teach you to drive or teach you to dance
I missed your screams and your entire glow

Apparently I missed so much that I, at this very moment, almost wish I didn’t know
I never meant to leave, I never meant to fade, I never wanted things to be this way
I never had the heart, strength, knowledge or pull to make you realize I always wanted to be invisible just so I could stay

I was young, that’s a fact, and I was confused almost always
But I never knew just how much you really knew me
You have that spark, that wire and that fuse
You have so many aspects and substantial reason that, I would have undoubtedly utilized and reused

My god, where are you, where have you fucking been
Oh sweetheart I’ve been lost, wandering around so utterly unconfused
I see now all the people that would have furthered my life’s muse

You are such a spectacle, such a lovely gentlemen
You are so immaculate and uncannily chagrin
Why couldn’t you see you after all these years?

I spent less than a week near you and I cried only happy tears
Sad when I left yes and sad while I’m gone
But baby boy I’m so glad I have you to lean on

I know we are all whatever it is our lives have shown us where to be
I know we are greater than all the things we see here
I hope that you know, just how impressively charismatic you are, I hope you can gather all the thoughts I throw at you from afar
I hope you really know just how special you are

Erik I hope you see how annoying you owning this huge ass place in my heart, is seriously debilitating my chances of continued failing and feeling torn apart is
I hope you can see and feel and know that everything you are is shaping who I have been becoming
Before we were back, together as one, you’ve been inspiring my ass since mother fucking day one
Keep it up little brother, you sweet gentlemen
Keep it up so I don’t have to beat your ass at swing jumping again

I love you E