Thought Process

There are quite a few things going on in my brain
Quite a few things that are setting off my instinctual pain
Setting off reasons to run somewhere dark
Setting off reasons to caress something stark
Nothing of substance and nothing of smiles
Nothing but something that leaves my heart feeling futile

The words are better if you just let them be
Its painful and lonely and sad and so empty
Its glorious and astringent upon the way you at your best have felt you would feel
The contour isn’t quite right and the right isn’t quite understood
But the reasoning behind the curtain are completely endured
Practiced and studied and failed and felt
Announced and encountered and captured and dealt
Realized and reckoned and louder and nothing rhymes in my head but tight like a belt

I don’t know a lot except all that I know
I am here just as well and touched just not so
I am here without anyone saying and showing me words I don’t want to know
I am what it is and it is where I am
This is just right as long as I begin to really do the beginning of loving me to better show love to them

Hello small Melina, so sparky and bright
My fingers and head almost made me type spiteful and sparkle out of blight
Don’t know the definition, don’t know if it’s right, but I do know that I am on this chair tonight
Worrying about which words in my head will truly survive
Honestly though, it’s these worries that have helped me survive
Helped me barrel through the trauma and pain of being ignored and in chaos

The pain of just wanting someone to like me just a bit each day
I hope that somewhere my writings are reaching out
I hope this typing is loud and spreading wide enough
Its daily I encounter circumstances and reasons reminding me of the small but meaningful ways over these decades when I was able to get out of my head

It seems when I’m in my mind though things turn out alright
Things settle when needed, shine when shaded and untwist back to reasonable when times are becoming quite bent
These words are the core of my soul; they are all of me put down so openly and exposed in fine print

I am glad to finally have them out here, out there and desire only to continue stretching my fingers as far as they can go

I now promise to put much more effort into more frequent writings being posted, so I can keep spreading my passion for the written word to any and all that want to hear them and connect to the things I’ve learned and have come to know

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